‘On this day’ is my favorite app on Facebook to check every morning. During my morning meditations I remember back on where I was on this day a year ago, 4 years ago, 9 years ago and so on……. I reminisce on where I was; how I have changed; how I haven’t changed; what I have accomplished; what my blessings are, etc…….
Do you have those days which you can look back on that changed the course of your life? We have all had those days……. some we are so grateful for and others we wish never would have come. Today is one of those days for me…… 3 years ago today my life forever changed.
Gloria Steinem stated this beautifully……Childbirth is more admirable than conquest, more amazing than self-defense, and as courageous as either one.
Let me paint you the picture…….. 21 days before I gave birth to the little man, half of my face was paralyzed which was accompanied with 24/7 of horrific facial pain caused by nerve swelling behind my left ear. On this evening 3 years ago we had scheduled our midwife to come and create a birthing plan and learn techniques for the upcoming labor process. In the middle of our meeting, Joziah decided he wanted to join us. Within one hour I was having contractions within one minute of each other and we found out I was dilated to 9 1/2 accompanied by my water breaking. (Did I happen to mention we were still at home? )……. Off to the midwifery we went……. less than an hour after arriving I tested positive for preeclampsia and had to be rushed to the hospital immediately. A few hours later Joziah was with us, but we were not out of the woods……. The preeclampsia turned into postpartum eclampsia and I was put on 24 hours of magnesium sulfate. When I was originally put on this the doctors informed me that this would be an extremely uncomfortable medication to be on during this 24 hours. About 12 hours later something went terribly wrong……. I ended up with magnesium toxicity or a.k.a. magnesium poisoning. My legs stopped working; I experienced terrifying hallucinations and visions; the pain was unexplainable and unimaginable……. What was happening?!?! Paralyzed, delusional, exhausted, pain stricken…….. This is how I remember this day 3 years ago…….. What had happened to my life I loved so deeply?
At the same time something was happening to Joziah…..We were informed that he needed to be transferred to the N.I.C.U. – I didn’t even know what that acronym meant! He spent 5 brave nights in a incubator preparing to live with us. I wasn’t well enough to visit him until he was 3 days old. I remember how scared and confused I was as I gazed at him hooked up to all those machines. He was so tiny, so fragile, so foreign to me……….
This is how our journey began…… Through this journey I have come to realize that ‘Bad things do happen’ and how I respond to them defines my character and the quality of my life. I can choose to sit in perpetual sadness, immobilized by the gravity of my loss, or I can choose to rise from the pain and treasure the most precious gift I have – Life itself! – Walter Anderson
This year is the first year I have been strong enough to celebrate these days. Today I wrote my lists for the first birthday party I am throwing our son this weekend. I have to admit it is hard to say it has taken me 3 years, but this is the one! I choose to celebrate life’s changes and challenges. These changes can produce amazing gifts – my son is proof of this fact!